More Than Conquering Pornography: A Christian's Guide to Repentance and Freedom
In our sexually saturated culture, pornography is pervasive, with studies suggesting that up to 70% of men and 40% of women have viewed it. This widespread exposure raises significant concerns. Science is increasingly confirming what the Bible has always known: sin, including pornography, enslaves and sets off a path of destruction.
The grip of pornography doesn't fade with age as long as you remain healthy; it can entrench itself deeply. This is because of the powerful effects it has on brain chemistry, creating a vicious cycle of addiction. Dopamine reinforcement, neural pathway alterations, and hormonal imbalances all contribute to intensified cravings, weakened willpower, escalating consumption, and desensitization. This can then lead to depression, anxiety, lowered impulse control, and isolation.
For a married person, porn robs the couple of what should be a beautiful intimacy and fully satisfying relations. It can set unrealistic expectations, cause anger, withdrawal, and create secrets. With patience and honest communication, a healthy couple should only need each other. They should not need porn, one or both fantasizing about being with other people, or pharmaceutical help.
Here is a link to a sobering poem written by a woman about her husband: https://www.challies.com/quotes/i-looked-for-love-in-your-eyes/
Some beg and plead with God to deliver them and then ask me why they are still enslaved. The problem is they do not understand repentance. You see, you can't enjoy porn and want it out of your life only when you experience guilt. That is like saying I want to be a vegetarian except at mealtimes. James calls this being "double-minded." The prayer or St. Augustine comes to mind in which he is said to say:
"Oh, Master, make me chaste and celibate - but not yet!"
One of the first things I published on the site was "The 7 R's of Repentance." https://www.walkinthetruth.org/post/the-7-r-s-of-repentance. This post is going to use that guide and show you how to apply them to porn. Many of us grew up in churches that didn't properly explain repentance or what Kingdom living should look like. Because of this, some of you may balk at some steps. If you believe the Bible has your cure, and it does, I urge you to follow them and radically change your direction. I believe your shame will turn to joy, your relationship with God will deepen, and that this will give you an understanding of the Bible you may not have had before.
The First R
Recognize how your life doesn't line up with Christ Psalm 119:9-20.
The Bible says that Jesus endured every temptation we face. The Bible doesn't tell us the circumstances of how Jesus was tempted sexually, only that He was.
Jesus would not have been interested in porn for a few reasons:
He cares about their souls. You can't be lusting after a woman and wanting to share the Good News at the same time.
Porn subsidizes sex trafficking. Some participants in porn scenes are not there willingly. Even what appears to be free is generating income. He would never want to be a part of something that horrible.
Porn is scientifically proven to be physically addictive. Jesus came, so we would no longer need to be slaves of sin.
The Second R
Request help and accountability from God and a loving and mature member (or members) of Christ's body. Accountability partner(s) help by praying for you, pushing you, and pointing out blind spots Galatians 6:1-2.
You will immediately feel better once you stop trying to defeat porn on your own. Pray for God's help and believe He wants to give it to you, Because He does!
Find some help in your Christian community. They should have a reputation for being loving, supportive, and discreet. You will need to open up to them and ask them to support you through weak moments. There are churches with programs you can check out and there is the option of Christian counseling.
The Third R
Review your influences, such as friendships, the media you watch, the music you listen to, and the places you visit. Ask yourself if this activity, media, conversation, or way of thinking is a part of Kingdom living. Is it holy? Deuteronomy 7:6 Is it going to drag you down John 8:34?
Taking inventory of your lifestyle is an important step that you may need to revisit several times. You are creating a list to establish a boundary between you and the sin influencers. When dealing with porn, the obvious first item on the list is the porn itself. If you ask other men who have tried to break free of their addiction, avoiding porn is not enough. The next item on the list will be any media form that has nudity in it. Your favorite movie that has one scene with a poster in the background of a partially naked woman needs to be on the "No More" list.
The things that need to make the list are things that devalue marital sex and objectify women. This is going to cut most TV shows produced in the last 40 years. It will reduce the music you can listen to in secular genres. It may also mean that some of your friends will need to be told to cut out certain conversation topics.
The Fourth R
Ruthlessly Reject all the ways you willingly feed the sinful nature. Matthew 5:29-30, Romans 13:14, Corinthians 10:3-5, Ephesians 4:21-22.
I want you to focus on the world willingly in the fourth R. We do not have the luxury of running from the world. Completely escaping things that feed sexual sin is impossible. There is a difference between what you run into out in the world and what you invite in. As you clean your lifestyle, it is going to be easier to clean your mind.
You have your list started from the third R. Now it is time to reject them. Ruthless rejection means to fight the urge to compromise. Just because all your friends are watching it, you just got expensive tickets to a concert, or you don't think it is that bad are not valid reasons.
Ruthless rejection means that you can't handle it. There is no reason to test yourself. It is better to cut too much than not enough.
Ruthless rejection also means that as sexual thoughts creep up, and they will, you do not entertain them.
What also happens here is that as you separate yourself from the unholiness of the world, you will become less popular. People, including spiritual leaders, may tell you it is unnecessary because it makes them uncomfortable about their choices. What you need to remember is that the things you cut will not be part of your eternal life with God and you should practice Kingdom living now. In time, you are going to love this step and hope and pray that God works on people around you to pursue a more holy life as well.
The Fifth R
Run after Christ in prayer, in times of praise and worship, Bible study, sermons and instruction, and service to others. Be renewed with truth and righteousness. Ephesians 4:23-24.
The fourth step will seem painful at first, but it creates a lot of free time for the fifth step. If the fourth step is starving the flesh, the fifth step can be considered feeding your soul.
It is very important that you draw closer to God. Remember that unless you abide in Christ, you can't accomplish anything John 15:5. This post should help:
The Sixth R
Remain humble, expectant, and steady. Steps 3, 4, and 5 may be quick or take some time. If every ounce of your being loves God and hates sinfulness, you are loose-necked and will turn quickly. You are stiff-necked if any part of you is not ready to give up the sin or the things that feed it. 1 Corinthians 15:58, 1 John 1:6. Keep praying, confessing your sin, and asking for help.
This may be the hardest part and it is why you need the fifth R so much. Even when you get past the porn, you still must be free of objectification and sexual fantasies that are sinful in nature. Porn has trained you and created a chemical addiction in your brain. If you relapse, you need to keep going and not let failure weigh you down or give Satan an opportunity to depress you, tell you that God isn't interested in helping you, or that breaking an addiction you find pleasurable and is popularly accepted is stupid.
This is also the time when you may realize that you are double-minded. You are shutting and locking the front door but leaving a window cracked. This is when you need to lean on and possibly expand step 2 and really dig in on steps 3 and 4.
Don't let this short post on the subject fool you. I cannot tell you how long it will take you to get to the 7th R once you begin. It may be weeks or months. I cannot even tell you that you won't need more material, a church program, or counseling to help you. I do know that no matter what you do, to be free it will be a version of what I have given you. Also, while this post is about repentance to porn it is the same steps for any sin stronghold in your life.
One other note, if you are married, your steps and freedom may not be enough to repair damage done to your marriage. Part of being humble will be to admit you may need marital counseling to help guide your spouse through healing and forgiveness. You are going to become a new and a more Christlike person at the end and that will help.
That Seventh R
Rejoice in the miracle. Freedom from sin is excellent, but repentance leads to becoming more Christ-like, which is far more extraordinary. Never take a miracle for granted; always offer public praise Luke 17:16-17.
The goal in repentance from porn is not to just to stop watching porn or even to come out from under the influence of it. The goal isn't just to have tuned in sexual relations with your wife or to ditch pharmaceutical help. The goal is the mind of Christ. The goal is to see things the way He sees them. Instead of objectifying women, you care about their souls, and you are sad when you see them being exploited.
But there is more. Even if you feel lust trying to creep back up over the corner, you know that in Christ, you are more than a conqueror. You have started a course in cleansing your life of unholiness. This is one of the true signs you are under the Kingship of Jesus. In the OT, you have the book of Judges in which everyone did what was right in their own eyes. This is the age we are living in now. After that, starting with Saul, you had many kings. For a king to earn the label "did what was right" they repented by cleaning up the land and turning back to God. God is holy and He wants you to be as well 2 Corinthians 6:17.
Additional Scripture use or considered in the writing of "More Than Conquering Pornography: A Christian's Guide to Repentance and Freedom" by RD Montgomery
Genesis 4:6, Judges 17:6, 1 Kings 15:5, 1 Kings 18:21 2 Chronicles 34, Psalms 12, Isaiah 52:11, Matthew 3:17, Matthew 6:24, Hebrews 4:15, Romans 7:13-25 Romans 8, 2 Corinthians 6:17, James 4:8
I could have easily filled this space with Scripture references. One of the most repeated lessons in the Bible is repentance. A variation of the word appears close to 100 times depending on your translation, but it is demonstrated far more, starting with God and Cain in Genesis 4.
Keywords: repentance, confession, Bible study, spiritual disciplines, overcoming sin, Christian life, Christian, Bible truths, Following Christ, Bible Study, Applying the Word
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